Some days I reminisce

I sit in my office and reminisce about track practice back at Tech.

I think about the times i came down looked on the board and saw we had 4 x 250 8 min rest and knew that day it was about to go down. You felt the electricity in the air.

The warmup you thought about it and once you got on the line, it was like who's leading this one.

Whoever lead knew they had the responsibility of taking off right. If they went too slow they could ruin the whole run for everyone else.

We would start and everyone flew, hittin walls as we went and that last straight away pumping and pumping. Move those arms.

You finish and your breathing hard, you walk around and try to recover.

Then you think, ok lets go next one.

WHO's Leading?!!!!


Man I miss those days.

I haven't written in awhile. Things in life have been good and bad.

I went though my normal waves of happiness and depression.

I am at work now, working late and feeling shitty. I feel like this because I am working late and also because even if I wasnt I wouldnt want to be doing anything.

Working on getting this house. A big step in anyones life and I am nervous and scared and excited. These are the times in anyones life that they should appreciate. At this point though I don't appreciate it. I just want to get it done. Its a procedure almost. Just apart of the next step in my life.

Anyway its crazy how life is puttering on. I suppose I will aprreciate more once its gone.

I miss Melody. Dunno why I miss her more than others but I do.

Fat

I been feeling down lately, down on relationships and down on life.

I think about being out there looking for a good girl and i feel tired of the whole process.

I think whats really happening is that I don't like myself right now. I don't think I have ever not liked myself this much.

I am overweight, more than I ever thought I would be. I still want to run marathons and be active but now my body isn't working with me. I wake up in the morning and I feel the extra weight, i feel how sluggish I am and It makes me sad.

All I want to do is quit this job and just work out all day and study just like high school or even college. Finding the right balance in life is proving to be quite difficult.

All I can do is make a plan and work at it at this point but until then I don't know how I can go out without feeling so sucky and if I don't want to go out what hope is there for meeting a good woman. What kind of "fun" will i settle for?

G

Team

I miss my track team days. I really would like to relive those days. I know it wasn't all shits and giggles but I miss it regardless.

It was simpler even if I didn't know it back then. All I did was practice and school. My only focuses in life.

Life was about improving my skills for the real world.

Now that I am in the real world it seems like improving yourself is not the priority. Making a living to provide food and comfort is the priority.

Well let me get back to where I was going with this. I wAnt a team again. I have been looking for a team since high school and have yet to find a replacement.

Sometimes I think I should a just joined the army cuz at least that way I would a had a team.

I feel incomplete without a team.

I feel like this journey called life is empty without people with a similar vision and goal to share it with.

How do I get this team?

Holography

I sit here in a hotel room in Kentucky and I wonder about passion and focus.

A part of me wants to be totally focus on one thing. Right now I am thinking about being apart of a group that was putting together a holographic user interface. I think about how I would go about getting into the field. I think about how I want to actually make something instead of installing what someone else created of fixing shit some user got wrong. Damn its annoying hearing users complain.

The other part of me wants to find a small town and raise a family. I dont even know how both task could be achieved. I feel like only one could happen. Well they both could happen but the degree of success of either would be lessened because I was trying to balance both.

Your only master should be your ambition, thats how you truly conquer any task.

God how do people sustain their ambition, is something wrong with me?

Maybe I am on the right path, the thought of going from this career path to another is worrying to say the least. more debt, more uncertainty.

At a lost on how to finish this post. oh well.

Our Deepest Fear

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ua_r7u6__tY&feature=related

I like the song because we can all be kings and queens, we just need to overcome our fears.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Marianne Williamson

Got it

I figured out what the song from previous post made me feel.

Its my general lack of relationship prospects for the coming year. With work i feel like it would be crazy to even start something with someone so I have relagated myself to being lonely for the year.

That thought is disconcerting.

This song makes me think about how I am not even in a place to make a mistake with a girl. Sucks.

The sacrifices we make right...

I knew 2 years ago that I was making a sacrifice when I took this job. Gotta power through. Empty Heart and all.

G

Tugging

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mbMWnaD3fhI&feature=related

At the start of the new year this song stirs in me.

Noone in particular just stirring.

G